As an overall, everyone has been asking me if it was worth it. Now it’s over – yes. I remember during my third treatment the nurse who was helping me made a very comforting and encouraging remark. He told me he’d been doing this for 25 years and thought I was smart to be this aggressive. All it takes just one teeny cancer cell to find a new home and it can become a death sentence. Another lesson I learned was how physically vulnerable we truly are. Our ultimate fate is out of our hands, it’s in God’s hands.
Was it as bad as I thought it would be? No. I was lucky that I never lost my eye lashes and eye brows. The mouth sores were not any worse than the good old canker sores that I get on and off anyway, although I won’t miss swishing my mouth out with baking soda and water. Having dry eyes, dry mouth, and a dry sore throat were far worse, I would wake up night after night gagging and coughing out of control. I lived on Ricola lozenges. My taste buds did change some but not as bad as I was warned and my appetite is still off. I confess that was tough, the constant queasiness and never feeling normal hunger pains. My skin feels like parchment. It’s still creepy looking in the mirror and seeing a bald head. I have new empathy for guys who go bald, it’s amazing how cold my head gets and I wonder how they stand that. But I’ve gotten into a routine that works for me. I always wear the wig when I go out to do things then I replace it with one of my hats when I’m at home. Heat can fry the fake hair, so no cooking or opening the oven with it on. I don’t trust myself to remember. But all of these issues will now go away, my hair will grow back and my body will heal!
I think the hardest part was mental; dealing with the knowledge that I would feel sick over and over for the 2 months and having a sense of dread not knowing if it would get worse each time. I think about people I know or anybody who have long drawn out illnesses or chronic pain. I have such new empathy and respect for them. I must be so hard to find hope for the future.
Coming up next, radiation.
1 comment:
Hi Deb, I am so glad you sent me your blog site. I must admit it was very emotional for me to read about what you have been going through and not have known but I really enjoyed reading about your journey and your outlook. Please email me at: ccanderson1@comcast.net. I am also now on Facebook thanks to my kids. If you are familar with it you can look me up under Camille Curtis Anderson. I would like your phone number so I can call you. Also please keep me in touch with you and your progress. Love ya lots! Camille
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