THE DARKEST DAYS

The day after Thanksgiving I woke up with a cold. It wasn’t bad but I knew in my situation, things could change fast. Luckily by Sunday evening I still felt under the weather but not too bad. The only thing I cared about was to not have my third treatment put off. So I had my husband give me a blessing and I was told I’d be okay and would be able to have my treatment the following day.

This time I decided to go on my own and I’m glad I did. I ended up being at the cancer center for over 5 hours. Because of the holiday weekend they had to push the treatments either forwards or backwards and there were a lot of patients waiting for their treatments. After the first one, I had a little routine I followed. First I check in and have blood drawn to make sure my red, white, and platelet’s counts are at healthy levels. Then I meet with my doctor where he does a quick physical. He then makes the call on whether I get to do the scheduled treatment. I confess I kept coughing and blowing my nose. Luckily he said my lungs sounded nice and clear and my blood count numbers were good. I was very relieved and able to do the treatment.

That same evening I attended a very fun event called “Look Good, Feel Better”. It is something that cosmetic companies do for women with cancer all over the country. About 15 of us sat around a table in a conference room where we learned how to care for our scalps and skin. We got great make-up tips and saw clever ways to wear scarves and hats. The best part was all of us received over $200 worth of free make-up courtesy of most major cosmetic companies. It was so wonderful to sit with these wonderful ladies knowing we all had something in common. They all had different stories and different type of cancers which helped remind me how blessed and lucky I was. My chemo was a choice, not a necessity.

Later that night I was hit once more with nausea and I have to admit that it was worse this time. Also because I was already sick, my reaction to the Neulasta shct was pretty awful. I felt rotten from head to toe. My simple cold ended up turning into a sinus infection. So on top of queasiness and feeling achy, I had a sinus headache, bad cough, and very sore throat. That was the worst thing of all because of dry mouth and what chemo does already. Sleeping at night became very difficult. I finally went to my regular doctor so I could get going on some antibiotics. I was concerned that if I didn’t get it nipped it would affect my next treatment or worse- end up in the hospital.

Luckily the drugs worked and cleared up my sinuses. I finally was able to get up and start functioning again. What a long two weeks! It didn’t help that it was now the holiday season. I missed not being able to go out and see the lights and enjoy the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping and baking. I love to sing Christmas carols and prepare for our church’s Christmas program, but I had no voice and was still coughing up a storm. I also was dreading the fourth treatment – it was a very dark time for me mentally.